Emma June Grosskopf Mask

I seem to have had an epiphany. You know how fall and winter are known as “Cuffing Season” by the impressionable youths of the world?

OK, if you didn’t know that, think of “cuffing season” like this: if you are physically cold in winter, you grab a jacket. If you are emotionally cold, you get “cuffed” with a significant other. A honey. A boo thing (One of these days I’ll be cool and hip, I promise).

Back to my epiphany. If the colder months constitute Cuffing Season, then I’m going to celebrate the hot months of the year as Rebuffing Season. Rebuff: A delightful verb meaning “reject” or “snub.” Let me explain. Summer is a very sticky, sweaty season. People sweat wherever they go. They sweat at the grocery store. They sweat at the lake. They sweat in their cars, and sometimes, they even sweat in their beds.

It’s too sweaty out here for coupling up. Period. No one is their best self when they are drowning in their own perspiration.

On a personal note, while I do get a little crabby when I’m overheated, another horrible quality of mine comes out in the summer: everyone knows I don’t like spending money, so I use my A/C unit only as a last resort. I will suffer through having a stuffy apartment and showering with cold water until the heat is so unbearable I have to turn on the A/C. For a maximum of 5 minutes. I’m not MADE of money, you know. I just don’t believe we are our best selves in the heat.

Then, of course, there’s a practical element. People travel during the summer, and so why would you purposely seek out a sweetie in a season where they probably will not even be in the same zip code with you most of the time? You may ask, well, what if I wanted to go along with them and their family?

See my earlier point: you’re not “you” when you’re overheated. So, why subject yourself to the trauma of meeting your new S.O.’s family during the heat wave? Wait until fall, and then try for a Thanksgiving or Christmas meet and greet. It’s better than, like, a mid-July camping trip event.

You can trust me. I am very wise, I promise.

Now for my last point. In the winter, it’s cold and you might want to find a snuggle buddy and spend some up-close-and-personal time with them. Well, here are some phrases that don’t go together: “snuggling” and “social distancing.”

That’s right. I said it. What part of social distancing includes beginning a relationship and getting all too close for comfort with them? There is no part.

This Rebuffing Season should be a no-kidding movement. All I need is a nifty catchphrase. “Don’t catch cooties; avoid the cuties?” Or maybe “Your Love is like Bad Medicine” (Bon Jovi is also very wise)?  Or how about something short and to-the-point: “In Heat”?

It’s too hot for dating. It’s the time for focusing on not melting during 103-degree weather. It’s the time for sitting in front of open windows, begging for a cool breeze. 

Oh yeah, and we are still in the middle of a global pandemic. There’s also that.

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