I know we are almost a year into this pandemic, so the “wear a mask” conversation is old. Stale. Tired.
I’m with that, but after months and months of covering over half my face with cloth masks, I am revisiting the subject. Because here’s my hot take: even though folks are trying to make it a political thing, the truth is, masks are fabulous.
They really are.
Let me tell y’all a little something. I have fallen into the unfortunate habit of ordering lots (and lots) of stuff online over the past few months, and the trend for me is to always throw in some more masks to the cart before I hit “checkout.”
The result? I have about a metric ton of masks. I have glittery masks, floral masks, pink masks, tie-dye masks and, of course, leopard print masks.
I have about 8 of those. In fact, I’m wearing one right now. Would it surprise you if I said it matched my outfit?
Here’s a pro-tip: wear a baseball cap with your mask, and you basically are in disguise.
Take me for example last week in Food Lion.
I was wearing a mask with my favorite baseball cap, and I blended in.
I mean, sure, the baseball cap was bedazzled with rhinestones and my mask was embroidered with blue and gold sequins, and the cashier said, “I love your bling” as she rung me up, but still. A hat and a mask? I was practically undercover.
It is difficult, practically being a celebrity and therefore “Food Lion Famous,” as my sporty counterpart so eloquently describes, to blend in.
Being 6-foot-3 doesn’t help, and my affinity for glitter, leopard print and loud colors also doesn’t really help.
So maybe the masks don’t disguise me as much as I imagine.
I maintain that they’re still fabulous, though. Every time I match my mask to my outfit, I feel like I’m ready for Romney Fashion Week.
I mean, other than being a 2021 fashion staple for yours truly, they have some other wonderful benefits.
For example, now that it’s cold outside? I don’t know why no one ever suggested wearing a mask on your face for warmth. It works like a charm.
I can save money on makeup, too, because I’m hardly wearing any these days. I know what you’re all thinking: “Wow, Emma, can you go ONE column without mentioning how cheap you are?” The answer to that, my friends, is no.
I can sing along to the songs playing on the speakers in the grocery store without people looking at me like I’m a crazy person. Not that pre-pandemic Emma cared in the 1st place, but I guess it helps my image NOT to be walking aimlessly up and down the aisles singing along to Bon Jovi.
(Side bar, who is actually in charge of the tunes at the Food Lion? Seriously, best DJ ever.)
I have found out, while the mask shields you from people seeing you mutter less savory words out of frustration, they do not, in fact, disguise an eye roll. I learned that one the hard way.
If I have rolled my eyes in your face, I sincerely apologize. I meant to do it in my head.
I’m not a health professional, so my opinion may not matter, but the bottom line is if you want to be fabulous, warm and feel like an undercover celebrity, get that mask on.
It’s not a political statement; it’s a fashion statement. ο