Emma June Grosskopf

Last week, my esteemed sporty coworker and Resident Office Jock (who is now labeling himself as “COVID-19 Reporter Extraordinaire”) Nick recorded a podcast with Sam Blizzard, the Voice of the Potomac Highlands. In the podcast, they debated the best sports venues to be quarantined in during this virus situation.

I am not super sporty. I probably couldn’t even name you 5 sports venues, let alone venues that I would be happy to self-isolate in.

It did, however, get me thinking about other places to be quarantined, and I started thinking about all of those celebrities in Hollywood.

Ah, rich people. They’re such a mystery to me. On some levels, this virus is fascinating because it is acting as the Great Equalizer.

**All of rich, poor, in Beverly Hills or in the hollers of West Virginia are being affected by closings, cancellations and in some cases, the illness itself.

Look, I love celebrities. I read tabloids. I follow their social media accounts. I judge their red carpet style choices. But ever since this virus has made its presence known, I’ve looked at the famous with a distinctly negative-Nancy, bitter-boots-style attitude. All I see is their posts about how hard their quarantine is going, while they are posting updates from the newest iPhone model, sitting on their ostrich leather couches, eating their snacks cooked by their personal chef.

I mean, come on. Most of them have pools, huge, comfortable beds, fully stocked pantries and, yes, this is a sore spot for me, washing machines and dryers.

I mean, last night, I did a rerun of the Emma Washes Her Underpants in the Bathtub episode for Pete’s sake.

Oh, to be rich and famous.

I will appreciate, however, the content that these stars are coming up with. While their quarantine complaints make my eyes roll with so much vim and vigor that they’re in danger of freezing, I do appreciate the engagement with their fan base with, for example, free concerts.

Stars. They’re just like us. See, I give free concerts wherever I go. In the shower? Definitely. In the car at a red light? Hold your applause until the end, please. At the gym, when Rod Stewart pops up on my Spotify playlist? Absolutely, now, please enjoy this rendition of “Rhythm of My Heart,” complete with an air guitar solo.

With free concerts, I’m basically halfway to being famous.

In all seriousness, I am jealous of these stars’ quarantine situations. Who can blame me? They’re basically all set, while I am eating ramen and olives out of the jar in my apartment with underpants in my bathtub, checking constantly to see if there have been any positive covid cases near me.

It’s a crazy thing, this virus. In such a short period of time, it has swept across the nation and the world, and even now is basically knocking on Hampshire County’s door. While we might look at pop culture icons grounded in their penthouses and Malibu bungalows, it’s easy to be like me and have a storm cloud over your head. The fact of the matter is, the virus is affecting everyone’s lifestyle. While it looks like these well-off folks have it easy, that may not be the case.

 I’m going to try for a little bit of maturity, clarity of thought and compassion during this tough time and not covet any pools, king-sized beds or pantries in Hollywood. I’m going to mind my own business, because this COVID-19 stuff is scary enough without getting the green-eyed monster of jealousy involved.

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